"You're going to the United States to live? How wonderful! You're really lucky!"
Does this sound familiar? Perhaps your family and friends said similar things to you when you left home. But does it seem true all the time! Is your life in this new country always wonderful and exciting! Specialists in counseling and intercultural studies say that it is not easy to adjust to life in a new culture. They call the feelings that people experience when they come to a new environment -- culture shock.
According to these specialists, there are three stages of culture shock. In the first stage, the newcomers like their environment. Then, when the newness wears off, they begin to hate the city, the country, the people, the apartment, and everything else in the new culture. In the final stage of culture shock, the newcomers begin to adjust to their surroundings and, as a result, enjoy their life more.
Some of the reasons for culture shock are obvious. Maybe the weather is unpleasant. Perhaps the customs are different. Perhaps the public service systems such as the telephone, post office, or transportation are difficult to figure out. and you make mistakes. The simplest things seem difficult. The language may be difficult. How many times have you just repeated the same thing again and again and hoped to understand the answer eventually? The food may seem strange to you, and you may miss the familiar smells of the food you are accustomed to in your own country. If you don't look similar to the natives, you may feel strange. You may feel like everyone is watching you. In fact, you are always watching yourself. You are self-conscious.
Who experiences culture shock? Everyone does in some form or another. But culture shock comes as a surprise to most people. A lot of the time, the people with the worst culture shock are the people who never had any difficulties in their own countries. They were active and successful in their community. They had hobbies or pastimes that they enjoyed. When they come to a new country, they do not have the same established positions or hobbies. They find themselves without a role, almost without an identity. They have to build a new self-image.
Culture shock produces a feeling of disorientation. This disorientation may be homesickness, imagined illness, or even paranoia (unreasonable fear). When people feel the disorientation of culture shock, they sometimes feel like staying inside all the time. They want to protect themselves from the unfamiliar environment. They want to create an escape within their room or apartment to give themselves a sense of security. This escape does solve the problem of culture shock for the short term but it does nothing to familiarize the person more with the culture. Familiarity and experience are the long-term solutions to the problem of culture shock.
While the preceding article speaks mainly to the immigrant, it is also important that the resident understand the process that she is going through. Gentleness, understanding, and, above all, patience are necessary to help her through a difficult adjustment. It will not occur overnight or in just a few days or weeks. Frustration about not adjusting as quickly as hoped is common, but once we understand that this process is not something that she chooses but something that is universal when displaced from a lifelong home, then we can help her through this period and, as an added benefit, grow closer and stronger as a couple.